Playing favorites: play a game today with your children about “favorites” by asking what is their favorite ice cream, color, birthday surprise, book, animal, family activities, etc. Learn more about your child and yourself.
International Adoption: a local family’s story of growing By Stephanie Robusto CONWAY, SC (WMBF) – After reading about the orphan crisis in Africa, it didn’t take the Crawford family long to decide to adopt from Ethiopia. But their journey is far from over. “Our motivation was never if we could have biological or not, it was more than that,” explained Victor Crawford, the proud father of two boys. They explain part of their reason was simple human nature. “We evaluated what our faith really looks like in the real world. Showing compassion and love, that’s our motivation,” said Crawford.
Another reason for adopting internationally came from Crawford spending time abroad during a mission trip. Adoption wasn’t something the couple originally planned on. But spending time in the orphanages of Honduras opened their eyes to an international need. “They have basic needs; a roof, food, and love. We want to provide that,” said Crawford. Now, the Crawford’s are defining what it means to be a blended family. They adopted their first son, Josiah, from Guatemala when he was about 4 years old. A few years later, they had a biological son named Miles. Biological or not, the two boys are brothers. They want to continue growing their blended family. “When Miles got to the age where we thought we could handle another one, we thought ‘let’s start this journey, start this process again,”explained Crawford.
That journey first began here in the states, with the Crawfords trying to adopt in America. “But after three years of no placement, we decided to move forward again with international,” explained Victor’s wife, Robin Crawford. When they learned about the need in Ethiopia, the couple decided to double their family. “We found two brothers, two siblings who needed a home,”said Crawford. “The oldest is 8, the youngest is 3. They’ve been in an orphanage for about 8 months. Their biological father passed away,” explained Mrs. Crawford. Legally, the two boys are already part of the family. But it will be weeks until they are united as a family under one roof.
The waiting has Robin Crawford feeling like an expectant mother. It’s hard for her knowing they are her babies, but she doesn’t have them home with her, yet. “It’s very difficult, it’s something that consumes you all the time,” she expressed. The family recently met the brothers in Ethiopia. They are waiting for the U.S. Embassy to decide a date they can go back again, and hope this time, the boys will be coming back home with them.
To read more about the family, visit their website here:CrawfordsJourney.com Copyright 2013 WMBF News.All rights reserved. Share: / /
Does your child have so many problems that you don’t know where to start? Are you so frustrated that you can’t see or think straight? Do you feel helpless about how to make changes in your relationship with your child? Perhaps the first place to start is with a few measurements. When behaviorists study people’s behavior, they start with a baseline. A baseline is a tool that is used to measure the frequency and duration of someone’s specific behavior. It can be used to measure the frequency and duration of both desirable and undesirable behavior. This dual measurement can tell parents what they want to increase and what they want to decrease, all without a lot of screaming, hair pulling, or medication!
Step 1: Measure without interventions.
The first step in determining a baseline is to measure a child’s behavior when no intervention or tool is being used with the child. This way parents can get an accurate estimation of the child’s behavior. Baselines will allow a parent to measure the effectiveness of a particular parenting tool they are using. If a parent discovers that a tool is not getting the desirable results (i.e., the misbehavior continues at the same level as before or is much worse), then the parent knows to abandon this approach and try another. Parents then find a different tool to use that gets them better results.Sounds easy, huh! Actually it isn’t, but with a little practice parents can use baselines to objectively and rationally approach a behavior problem and change it.
Step 2: Basic materials and picking a behavior.
The next step is to gather a few basic materials: a piece of graph paper, pencil, and daily calendar. Write across the top of the graph paper the behavior you wish to increase or decrease. For example, you might write: “I want to increase the number of times that Tommy takes his bath on time” or “I want to decrease the number of times that Mary hits her little brother.” Picking the behavior may not be as easy at it sounds. You must pick one behavior to focus on and not get confused with other problems at home. Be very specific about what you want to increase or decrease. Don’t write: “I want Tommy to behave.” That is too general and vague. You will never achieve that anyway, so why frustrate you and Tommy. Pick a behavior that is particularly troublesome and/or dangerous to start. To get a baseline, simply count how many times a day that particular behavior is occurring for one week. Average it on a per day basis by taking your weekly total and divide it by seven (days of the week). That will be your baseline. Let’s say that you want Tommy to take his bath, on time, every day. At this time, Tommy only takes his bath, one time, once per week. One is your baseline. Anything you use to increase this frequency will be considered effective. Anything that does not or reduces it to zero, is not effective. After you have picked the behavior, use the bottom of the paper to list the days of the week from the calendar (Sunday, Monday… Saturday). Along the left side of the paper you will write a range of numbers, starting from the bottom and going up. The range could be from zero to ten, if the behavior you are targeting is a low frequency problem or zero to hundred, if it is a high frequency problem. I would suggest sticking with a low frequency problem. It will make the process simpler and easier to monitor.
Step 3: Pick a tool (intervention).
Now comes the fun part: picking the tool. What will you use to increase or decrease your child’s behavior? You could do what you have always done, like Time-Out or Removing Privileges. Or you could read up on a couple of books, ask a wise friend or teacher, or search the Internet, looking for various interventions to try. Regardless of where you go for your tools, choose only one. Use the tool of choice for a period of one week and faithfully measure how many times a day that behavior occurs with the application of the tool. Be sure that all caregivers (moms, dads, relatives, day care staff, etc.) use the same tool or you will not get a good measurement. In fact, if dad is doing one thing and mom another, you could be sabotaging each other’s efforts. Get everyone on the bandwagon and cooperating. Chart the number of times the behavior occurs (its frequency per day) and the time that it occurred. In order to see if change has occurred, parents must check to see if there is any difference between the baseline number, before any intervention was made, and the number of occurrences after an intervention is made. This final number should come close to your target number.
Let’s take another look at Tommy and his bath time. Mom and dad decided to take away Tommy’s television privileges if he did not get in the bath on time each day. They did this by simply stating the consequence ten minutes before bath time to give him time to prepare. If Tommy did not get in the bath on time (they gave him a five minute window of opportunity either way) they stated that there would be no television privileges the next morning and stuck to their decision. After a couple of days, Tommy realized that mom and dad were serious about this bath time business and decided to cooperate. He was able to get in the bath, on time, three times in one week, as a result of mom and dad’s new interventions. This was a definite increase from the baseline and considered successful by everyone. Don’t worry if the change doesn’t occur immediately. Children test their parents to see if they will be consistent with these new interventions or if parents are going to fall back to old, inconsistent ways of disciplining. One to two weeks may be needed to witness any real results. If the behavior is still not changing after that period of time, find a new tool. It is also important that you be consistent. Inconsistency will reward the behavior in the wrong direction.
What if one parent is willing to cooperate but the other is not? This makes our task harder but not impossible. Simple measure during a time that you are able to control, say, during the daytime when dad is at work. Obviously, you must pick a target behavior that occurs during that time period and find a tool that you can administer alone. Children will adapt to the different parenting styles of their parents, even if they are exact opposites. Reward all positive, behavioral changes. This will help to maintain the behavior over a long period of time. Don’t resort to bribes, such as sweets, money, or toys. This will backfire on you. Use social praise, like: “Great job” or “I really appreciated how you did that.” This is usually sufficient for children. Any negative behavior should be ignored, as much as possible.
How long should you use the baseline tool? Use the tool for as long as you need. Once you are getting positive results from your new tool, you can go on to targeting a new behavior or put the chart away until it is needed again. Behavior tools, like the baseline, have some limitations. Very smart children see your strategy and try to go around it or do as they are asked, during the specific time it is asked, and then immediately misbehave right after. For example, Tommy may get into the bath on time so that he can watch his favorite television programs, but right after the bath, he may become rude and obnoxious to his little sister. This is a weakness in the tool, not you. Ignore the weakness for now. All you are concerned with is increasing getting into the bath on time. Later you will address, with the baseline tool, the rude behavior. The value of this parenting tool is in its ability to get a baseline measure of a child’s behavior and to test the validity of the parenting tools your are using. It allows you to cope with feelings of frustration and target behavior objectively and without negative attention to the child. This allows the parent and the child to concentrate on more enjoyable activities together.